Modern Relationship Strategist Gifts

'Are you going to answer my text message or not?'

'I sent out for everything.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."