Modern Parenting Mages Pillows

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"He just said his first word!"

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'Have you googled me to see how old I was when I was born?'

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

Phone Mittens

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"We named him XB32116 so we never forget the Wi-Fi password."

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

"When the evil witch pushes the children into the oven, .... that's just a metaphor for putting them in the microwave"

Big book of memes

"Madonno and Child"