Modern-meets-myth Gifts

Hmmm, not sure about these new-fangled clocks...

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Saint George and the Drag Queen

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Unicorn in the Woods

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"Your grandma and I have decided to live together."

"All the better to ignore you with."

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

Santa Elevator

Centaur Sprinter

"Hi, my name is Daniel. And I am Thor..."

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

"Sorry, Noah, these are all mid-sized. You'll have to eat the leftovers."

'To redeem your wishes, fill out all required fields, including username and password.'

'But she's too ugly to be my duckling. I want a DNA test!'

'Careful Jack - it might be a GM beanstalk!'

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

'And someone's been hacking into my online banking!'

"After years of low level burglaries, Robin Hood started to steal from the rich using a sophisticated Ponzi scheme."

'Oh-oh †the Snake's telling Eve about cloning!'

"Yeah, I'm the Tooth Fairy. But you're gonna have to take a check."

"@FBarnes12 favorited a prophecy you were mentioned in."

'Again. . . why are we expelling these two?'

Astronauts see 'Martian' with fig leaf on face.

In an effort to lure a younger generation of sailors the sirens start using autotune.

"I just pick a new one each season. How else would you get a new Apple?"