Modern Masculinity Advocate Gifts

'Sure you can cry if you want to. Crying is right near the top of our 'acceptable behavior' list.'

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

"Real men cry these days....."

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's on of those things you always see an alpha male do: stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls.

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

Hazard of texting

The Evolution Of Manhood

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

Crocodile Tie

I saw that! Saw what? You just had tears in your eyes. The end of the movie made you cry! Did not. Why not just admit it? What's the big deal? It was a sad movie and you cried. It happens to everyone. You think you're above normal emotions? Are you better than the rest of us?! No. Fine, okay. It was sad. Maybe my eyes were a little moist. Girly man! Look at the crying girly man! Can't win.

Men's Fragrances

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

"Real men don't shave, but, if you have to, don't be dainty about it."

Movember

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

"I'm just so impressed with what you're saying about the victimization of men."

'What do you mean, we should join the men's movement and have a meeting? This is a meeting of the men's movement!'

"Yeah, it's great, we live in an age when we can speak openly about erectile dysfunction."

Macho fishing.

The New Man

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."

"O.K., let's confront the issues of masculinity!"

Etiquette and the mobile phone - "Oh hi. I'm on a training course."

"O.K. boys, this is where we find out if we're REAL men!"

'Macho man - you're out! We want a different image. . . We're using a 'new' man now - sensitive, gentle, debonair. . .and here he comes.'

"'Macho Soap'! For the house husband who wants red, raw, rough hands!"

'So much for the new, re-constructed man.'

Map of the modern man.

"But when we married, your name was changed to mine - that's not identity theft."

"Me and the guys admire how confident you are in your masculinity."