Modern Love Philosopher T-Shirts

"You're poison, Lauren, but, these days, what isn't?"

How Pro-Choicers Are Born

Will You Waste My Time?

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

'I fell in love with his domain name.'

"Billy just gave me a Valentine. Should I accept it or consider it an overt demonstration of his toxic masculinity?"

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

When two philosophers date. So

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

"If you could time-travel back to any period in history, would your love for me keep you from going?"

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

Lance, do I make you want to be a better man? Let me put it this way, Gloria: you definitely make me want to SEEM to be a better man.

Romance is more difficult for robots than it is for people. Sure, we can check for compatibility by comparing operating systems but until battery technology improves, all our relationships will be on-again, off-again. Worst of all, we can't handle passion. When the sparks are flying a romance blowup will follow.

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"Beats me why but my girlfriend says I have a one-track mind."

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

"I care that you care that I care about you caring... but I'm not sure if your caring is enough caring to make up for what I'm not caring enough about."