Modern Love Philosopher T-Shirts

"You're poison, Lauren, but, these days, what isn't?"

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

'I fell in love with his domain name.'

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"If you could time-travel back to any period in history, would your love for me keep you from going?"

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"Beats me why but my girlfriend says I have a one-track mind."

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

"I care that you care that I care about you caring... but I'm not sure if your caring is enough caring to make up for what I'm not caring enough about."

Cherub tries to prevent a man from declaring his love for a woman.

'Marriage ain't for this puppy. I'm way too romantic.'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"He's all mine. Life is good."

Love and temptation go hand in hand...

"Social media makes it impossible to see, hear or speak no evil."

"My aloofness is a mask."