Love Life Philosopher T-Shirts

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."

"Yes, I'd love to go for dinner. Can I bring a date?"

"I just don't think our relationship will work out, honey."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Romance

"Call me?"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"It's no good - I just can't do this without a brief and a deadline."

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

Aging Support Group

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

(Diamonds shining, … Dancing, dining, …with some man in a restaurant. Is that all you really want?) (Are you making this up?) (Unsophisticated Lady)

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

'I like a woman who's open and friendly, as long as she's only that way with me.'

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"If you could time-travel back to any period in history, would your love for me keep you from going?"

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."