Modern Living Critic Pillows

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."

To avoid losing his mobile phone George had it chained to the wall

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Sorry we're late. I know we live only two houses down, but our GPS got confused and took us way out of the way."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"You are still here."

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

Down With Wikipedia

Early Man Late Man

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

Daily Routine

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

Blues for now.

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

Our Troubled Chowders

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

Man calling Phone Privacy Centre

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

Clever youth stating that he considers Shakespeare overrated