Modern Life Reader T-Shirts

Perusing the digital bookshelf.

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Crap from the future.

Audio Books

Weird things I do because of the internet

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

No Immediate Danger

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Did you get my tweet?"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

The Evolution Of Man.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Bashful in Nashville

Tunnel of TV

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Large print e-book.

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

'This is suppose to be progress.'