Modern Heckler Gifts

'I just got text-heckled!'

'It's good - but it's not digital quality.'

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

"I hate open-mike night."

"I just take Tommy's computer here and hit delete. I haven't eaten homework in years!"

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

Why do they prefer a pitcher to a belly itcher? Everyone loves a belly itcher!

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

'Sorry, not tonight: My mum said you can't come over for a sleepover during the full moon anymore...'

'Foul ball!!'

"Stop reading this stupid paper."

Puppet Audience

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

'Don't look now, but the winner of last season's 'The Biggest Heckler' is here.'

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

'I won't be howling at the moon tonight. I've joined a barbershop quartet.'

"OK guys, one more time, and this time Fred, concentrate: your last howl was out of tune..."

'Why do they use that stuff? I mean, OK, it gives them a vocal advantage. But steroids ruin the integrity of heckling.'

'This isn't about the heckler. We need to look at why you're not ready with a snappy comeback.'

"OOOOWWOOO!"

Last chance to heckle a Yankee, next 150 miles.

I'm putting together a group to go to a minor league baseball game this week. So? I'd like a big group. More people means more yelling at the opposing team. And? Don't make me ask directly. Ask or I won't go. Go with us. In the form of a question, supplicant!

'The wolves' annual convention had barely started when Betty began to heckle the speaker.'

21st Century Childhood Pranks.

I hear you own a small plane. You will fly me to Scotland. Scotland? They're trying to break away from the United Kingdom. It's history in the making. Naturally, I must be there to heckle it. Sorry, Sadie, I have a hot date. BUT A COHEN HAS BEEN HECKLING HISTORY EVER SINCE SADIE THE ELDER TOLD CAESAR THOSE KNIVES MADE HIM LOOK FAT! Sorry. A date's a date.

Ouch! Somebody's voice is changing!

'He's a master of the cruel put down.'

'I haven't heard this much booing since Backstreet Boys announced they were reuniting.'

I'm thrilled you'll be joining me at my first baseball outing this year. You've been invited solely because I need fellow taunters. Rule #1: Yell as loudly as possible at the players. Make them utterly #$% miserable. Gonna be fun. Gonna get beatings.