Baseball Hecklers Gifts

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

'...60, 80 - whoa! - a hundred bucks! Okaaaay, you've got 20 minutes.'

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

"Where are all the hecklers? I have some great rejoinders."

'No way, man! Murphy isn't worth anywhere near the 3.5 million they're paying him!'

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'He looks great in the field, but can he bat?'

Shows Bundt

'So much for the question of whether of whether or not a curveball really curves.'

'He hits better against right handed pitching, so pitch left-handed, to him.'

'I just got text-heckled!'

'Get over it, Brady. Pitchers at this level are expected to get batters out. Randy there gave up eight runs in one inning...'

'Foul ball!!'

'...The athletic trainer's coming with the WD-40.'

"Stop reading this stupid paper."

Puppet Audience

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

Before baseball, raccooning enjoyed a brief stint as the national pastime.

'Nice throw...'

"Now they'll never know who's on first."

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

"Things are going well, so I may as well ask: how about those Mets? Ha-ha, just kidding. The tail. Please fix this tail thing."

'Why do they use that stuff? I mean, OK, it gives them a vocal advantage. But steroids ruin the integrity of heckling.'

'Gimme the remote. I think you got it on slo-mo.'

"My ultimate sports fantasy is to see a star player request a baseball autographed by the umpire crew."

Last chance to heckle a Yankee, next 150 miles.