Modern Family Chef T-Shirts

"So...that's B11, C8, F5, and A3?"

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"You do like octopus?"

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'Like death by salad.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Mommy's going to teach you how to make a hamburger."

Party time.

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"It's time you took a vacation, John. I said to 'marinate'... not 'palpate' the liver!"

"I thought we'd eat out on the patio for a change."

'I hope you all like stuffing.'

'Hurry up you guys! I'm about to serve dinner!'

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'I'm saving some for leftovers tomorrow.'

'What a day! - the computer broke down, and I had to cook manually!'

'Go on - they're organic!'

"Ah! The Amazing Mommy and her tray of condiments!"

"I bought you a cook book. Think of it as technical support."

"Happy thanksgiving!"

"How much longer on your visionary gnocchi, Stefano?"

"Come on, honey, try just one Goliath pea. It's organic, locally grown, and GMO free."

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

"Should we try that new place in the corner?"

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'