Family Chef T-Shirts

'Like death by salad.'

Continue eating. Pay no attention to me. I'm from the food and drug administration.

"They're vegetables, Gerald, not dead plants."

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

"I don't think Rex is terribly keen on your steak pudding, either dear!"

"If we double the temperature, it'll be finished in half the time."

Statue of 'Mom' next to a statue of 'Apple Pie'.

'Try to guess what you almost had for dinner, Dad?'

Cooking with mum.

"Not the Cape May lump blue-claw crab cake with crème fraîche, fried quail egg, osetra caviar, duck confit, and peach con frutti again?!!"

Making Christmas Pudding.

'I'm in the mood to cook!'

'Show a little appreciation. Your mother slaved over a hot microwave to make this meal.'

"Did I mention that I'm invited to Danny's for supper?"

"Can I interest you in a sample of our brussel sprouts?"

"Come on, honey, try just one Goliath pea. It's organic, locally grown, and GMO free."

"After I stopped telling the kids vegetables were good for them, they started eating them."

"OK, if I can pass on the duck's blood soup, I'll eat the spinach!"

Papi's idea of a good father vs. Baldo's idea of a good father: dinner plans.

"I found my great aunt Irma's delicioso roast turkey recipe!"

"Papi, we've decided we want nothing but salads...and hamburgers...for every meal."

"Some things in life you can never mention...like how mom's better at grilling than dad."

"Baldo, why don't you say grace?"

"Just give thanks we don't have to eat dad's cooking every day."

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

"My mom uses quesadillas to hide all kinds of vegetables I don't like."

"If you were a better fisherman, we'd be better nourished."

"I wish you could heat up a ready meal the way my mother used to heat up a ready meal."

"You had to know I meant add cooking oil, junior. . . not motor oil!"

"Ever since we started home schooling, I've developed more of an appreciation for school lunches."

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

"Well, that's just great! I finally get her to eat her sausages and you just had to tell her they're wrapped in pigs' intestines!"

"Ah! The Amazing Mommy and her tray of condiments!"

"We merged to save through volume buying."

The impossible dream