Modern Diet Enthusiast Pillows

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

Fat man on scales.

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

Couple sharing the plastic widget from a pizza box like a chicken's wish bone

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of fast food.'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'