Modern-day Transcendentalist Gifts

"Whoa! Move over, Thoreau."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

"Herb's from Texas."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"This looks good, Jim, but we'd better run it by legal, Siri, and Alexa."

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

'I ink, therefore I am....'

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

'Does a blog count as being published.'

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

'Let there be cool.'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

Hip hop Santa.

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

"Already my computer is outmoded, but i try to tell myself that my computer isn't ME."

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

'If anyone objects to this union, Tweet now or forever hold your peace.'

"I wonder what odds you would have got for that happening?"

"What next?"