Modern-day Transcendentalist Gifts

"Whoa! Move over, Thoreau."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

"Herb's from Texas."

'I ink, therefore I am....'

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

"This looks good, Jim, but we'd better run it by legal, Siri, and Alexa."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

'Does a blog count as being published.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'Let there be cool.'

"Already my computer is outmoded, but i try to tell myself that my computer isn't ME."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

Hip hop Santa.

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

"No textbooks. I'm strictly Web-fed."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"What next?"

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'