Modern-day Thoreau T-Shirts

'Thoreau had his Walden Pond, C.J. has his water cooler.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

The Googler

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Screen Time vs Book Time

No Immediate Danger

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Hamlet's struggle with online shopping addiction. To eBay or not to eBay.

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

Mark Zuckerberg

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

Rodin's THE FEELER

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."

Follow me on Twitter...

"Remember, it's Boy, Girl, LGBT, Boy, Girl, LG . . ."

"Honey, close the fridge door while you're thinking!"

Like.

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."