Modern-day Philosopher T-Shirts

'Does a blog count as being published.'

'Dad, can I speak to you, offline, about father son bonding?'

'No, the Tower of Babel wasn't built for better phone reception.'

"Fries with that?"

"It's as big a turnout as we could manage, Sire. There's so much cynicism these days."

"Wake up! They're Tracking You."

'Dang. I think my computer needs another update.'

Now don't you worry. Your baby will make a smooth transition from pacifier to security blanket to cell phone like most kids.

Google, google, google...

"Now that you have eaten from the tree of information technology..."

"By shutting off the electricity for a while, you'll learn how we rely too much on modern-day conveniences."

"Did he give it all to the poor, or just the after salary and expenses part?"

Subscription cards

"Are you sure you can't remember your PIN?"

"Pot of gold?! Nobody uses cash these days! Do you fancy a couple of gift cards?"

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

The Googler

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Screen Time vs Book Time

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."