Modern Day Philosophers T-Shirts

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

"Sorry. Can't speak right now. I'm working."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins at my ATM."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Thinking Gears

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

The Googler

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Screen Time vs Book Time

Euripides: 'If we could be twice young and twice old, we could correct all our mistakes.'

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

Arthur Schopenhauer

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"That's what I love about social media. I can have connections with thousands of people and yet still be completely isolated and alone."