Modern-day King Pillows

'I'm on the throne!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

TV-Man

"Surprise!"

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

The Unhappy King

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

The Royal Wii

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"I'm going on a retreat."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

Counting my Bonus...

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"