Modern Day Apostle Gifts

"Oh no, I lost two followers."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

"I'll be fielding any questions you may have and my assistant, Carol, will be googling the answer."

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

The ten ammendments

"I have an app for that."

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'Take two tokes of weed, Mrs Grunfield, and call me in the morning.'

'Let there be cool.'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Vicar - Virtuous Reality

Dark Clouds

Pastoring for Dummies

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

Virtual Lap Dancing

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

Houdini 2019

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

Progressions.

David and Goliath(?)

'New Charismatic'

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

Angel becomes Beggar

'Twelve More Disciples'

"Sorry—that's the screen saver."

"So Judas is all, show me the money, and JC is all, whatever..."

"Finding coins under your couch cushions doesn't count as finding buried treasure."