Modern Day Apostle Pillows

"Oh no, I lost two followers."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'You're suffering from job-stress insomnia. Stop counting sheep to fall asleep.'

"I have an app for that."

The ten ammendments

'Do you want the pill, the suppository, the patch, or the app?'

'Take two tokes of weed, Mrs Grunfield, and call me in the morning.'

'Let there be cool.'

Dark Clouds

Vicar - Virtuous Reality

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Pastoring for Dummies

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

Virtual Lap Dancing

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Take two aspirin and text me in the morning."

Houdini 2019

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

Progressions.

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

David and Goliath(?)

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

'New Charismatic'

Angel becomes Beggar

"Sorry—that's the screen saver."

'Twelve More Disciples'

"So Judas is all, show me the money, and JC is all, whatever..."

"According to the map the cryptocurrency treasure must be buried here!"

"Finding coins under your couch cushions doesn't count as finding buried treasure."