Modern Attitudes Pillows

"I got rid of all the excess in my life."

"I'm a vegetarian who eats meat."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Dawing your Cellphone

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Selfie Stick

No Immediate Danger

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

Final words on gravestones.

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Modern Portrait Gallery

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

Book Worm

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"Congratulations, dude, and you may now play tonsil hockey with the bride."

"My parent's think I'm apathetic, but I don't care."

"Half-full. Those were the days."

"Sometime I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels."

"I find if I say we're having hashtag broccoli or hastag brussel sprouts, they are more apt to eat them."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

"I may not know art, but I know what I like."

"Years ago, there was only one Santa Claus. Now because of genetic engineering, there can be lots of them."

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

Life begins at 60

'Okay, now I'm hoping he's right...'

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"May I air-quote you?"

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"A messenger from the West Side, Your Highness."

"I wish that they would give omg a break. JMJ (Jesus,Mary and Joseph) have a lot more free time."