Mobile Upgrade Magician Pillows

"I don't know why you have to upgrade your mobile every five minutes."

Domestic Goddess.

Party time.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

All the apps hidden within a phone

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

Man rotates profit chart so it shows growth not loss.

Lazy plumber.

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

"This one comes with a special undo function for erasing any stupid thing you've done or said in your entire life. It doesn't really work, of course, but it's SUPER fun to play with!"

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

Vets: 'That's funny, he was here a minute ago.'

"Texting hexes is such a time saver!"

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'After you with the camouflage.'

'This guy's FAST!'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

Free and Open Source Software.

Ceiling painter with an umbrella.

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'

'Howard's short stay in the hospital was good for both of us. He finally appreciates my cooking.'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

'I had a little cosmetic surgery done this week.'