Mobile Upgrade Magician Pillows

"I don't know why you have to upgrade your mobile every five minutes."

Domestic Goddess.

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

All the apps hidden within a phone

'In this class you will learn to apply the talents of creative writing to accounting.'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

Man rotates profit chart so it shows growth not loss.

Lazy plumber.

'And that's with massaging the numbers!'

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

'I love it when you cook - it lets me practice faking it.'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Oh, that three billion dollars."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

"This one comes with a special undo function for erasing any stupid thing you've done or said in your entire life. It doesn't really work, of course, but it's SUPER fun to play with!"

Vets: 'That's funny, he was here a minute ago.'

'After you with the camouflage.'

"Texting hexes is such a time saver!"

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'This guy's FAST!'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

Free and Open Source Software.

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'

Ceiling painter with an umbrella.

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

Tsunami in the cooking pot.

"Every time my wife has an accident in the kitchen, I end up eating it. . ."

'Howard's short stay in the hospital was good for both of us. He finally appreciates my cooking.'

'You'll find loaves in the pantry and fishes in the freezer.'