Mixer Magician Pillows

Ice pack for the heart.

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"Anna - there's someone I'd like to meet."

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

"An everything Martini, please."

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Stupid Microwave

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Where did you say you went to culinary school?"

The eye of newt - Is it gluten-free?

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'..and one for the pot.'

'Ah, here's your problem - all this spaghetti is real spaghetti.'

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

'This is taking forever. We should've just microwaved it.'

Tortoise and the Hare

'What's the poule ding?' 'Roast chicken. The ding is the sound of the microwave.'

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

'The cauldron is just for the sauce - I do the rest in my microwave.'

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

"Ah-sod it! I think I'll get a takeaway instead..."

"What the hell was in that?!"

"Bloody Cyclops!"

'Are you going to bowl or are you going to peek into the future?'

Miley Cyrus

"You're just pushing my buttons about all-microwave cooking ... aren't you?"

'We'll be right back after these important messages.'

'It looks like a lot, but I microwave it throughout the week.'

'Forget tradition! This thing can boil eye of newt in 15 seconds!'

"The atoms are burned on the outside but still ice-cold in the middle."

"This one is about feeling blue because I haven't paid my dues yet."