Mixed Media Fan Gifts

"Hold still - almost done."

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

'My daughter says I'm hopelessly outdated...'

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

"A lot of you used to know us as the L.A. Punksters. Then for a while we were the Rappin' Rapmen. Now we call ourselves Los Latinos del Momento."

Ordering Food At A French Restaurant.

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I expect 'Sesame Street has seen some new developments since I was your age?'

'My secret is putting the toil in first and adding the trouble just as it comes to a boil.'

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Congerto Number One, first movement."

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

News Hourglass

A Man Hangs Sap Buckets On The Lampposts

'All right, pal, that's enough! Are you gonna pay for the paper or not?'

Piano tuner with an assistant.

'Don't start with that werewolf baloney, Jake... there ain't even a moon out tonight.'

'I'm in P.R. This is where I keep the spin.'

'I miss Andy Rooney!'

Cold War Timewarp

"Sumo Hockey."

Skeet Fishing.

The exciting new game of skeet golf.

"They tell me you're a man who has True Magritte."

I'm a multi media person...I watch everything.

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

The end is near.

'It's more interesting as a radio play.'

"Lets put it this way...in your case the point is moot!"

"Hod it – there's another story I'm following."

Thomas the Tank Engine. Harold the Helicopter. Bob the Crane

"We better be careful, I hear he's suffering from gout."

"...They look more like Albert's."

'All you do is stare at the TV. When I was a kid we had to be content with staring at the radio.'