Traditional Media Fan Gifts

'My daughter says I'm hopelessly outdated...'

"Are all Brits bisexual, or just the ones who publish their diaries?"

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Books*. *Batteries not included.

"and when they woke up, the kids discovered that the house had just one 19", black & white TV that only got... 3 channels."

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

Your son is smart and curious and has no attention span whatsoever

'I traded a motherboard for three DVD's. They were bogus, so I tossed them out the window....'

TV dinners: regular and widescreen

"It's not the tossing, it's the catching of the caber that separates the men from the boys."

'Funny, it usually works OK after you've given it a hefty kick.'

'How about 'I'm still breastfeeding my five year old, half ton, binge drinking, monkey baby'?'

"Hold still - almost done."

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

Unsocial Media

'CD's: Manufactured pop groups as seen on tv!'

"Let me through - I'm a Sound Recordist!"

"... And in other news: Still no truce at 75 Greene Street, apartment 3F."

News Brief: The Saddam trial turned into a shouting match...'Is that like pundits squaring off on TV?'

"It says here that, since there generations who never saw them, BBC and ITV are re-showing every programme since 1970."

'In my dreams, I can still hear him saying, 'You have low memory storage capacity.''

TV Set

"Roughly translated, it says: this wall is now available on video and DVD."

"I'm nostalgic for the print media."

Cold War Timewarp

Viewer to wife: 'Competition for ratings is getting stiff. Sixty Minutes is investigating NBC.'

'I miss Andy Rooney!'

'Hurricane Limey is now pummelling the Florida coast, as a result of BBC reporters flapping their hands for dramatic effect.'

couldn't you have waited to the final episode of desperate housewives

"How can you call yourself a left-leaning audiophile if you've never heard NPR on vinyl?"

'The announcer said 'don't touch that dial'... What's a dial?'

'They say TV kills the art of conversation...'

Piers Morgan vs Anderson Cooper