Misunderstanding T-Shirts

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

Love at First Sight

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"My guess it's guacamole."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

"Your assets will be frozen? Oh, boy, is it going to snow?"

'You feel awkward? You're the one who said we ought to hunt bare.'

'Wellington!...Come take a look at this!...I've never seen anything like it!...Some sort of early sun worship etching perhaps!'

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

"Rayna's been kidnapped! And its all my fault!"

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'The school counselor says I have well-developed motor skills. Will you bring me a car?'

"It's that time of year when guys randomly explode."

"I told him to trim a couple of inches off the middle and he thought it was a fat remark."

'A simple bottle would have sufficed for your specimen, Mr Thomas.'

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

'See! I told you my dad is a boxer!'

"That isn't what the doctor meant by 'push fluids'."

"Well I say we go on without him..."

"Look, told ya – it’s a Romney poster!"

"Till now I always thought of the gravy train as a good thing."

"Are you mad at me or just chewing tobacco?"

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

Fred thought he was following orders when he began the war on terriers.

'And here you can see one of the incredibly boring amusement park rides that were so beloved in the 20th century.'

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

"He's not waving to the trollop in the bedroom opposite, he's trying to waft a bluebottle out through the window."