Misunderstanding Master T-Shirts

'I feel awful. Coach was clutching his throat and turning blue, but I thought it was the 'bunt' sign.'

"My audio is okay, but my video is kind of sore"

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"What's important is that we learn from what we must never admit happened."

"Fellow graduates, when I look at you, I see future princesses, ninjas, wizards, superheroes, and zombies."

"I accidentally shredded an important document, so I'm trying to piece it back together. It should only take a few years."

'I hate to tell you... it's not 'amber waves of gain'.'

'It hasn't been a complete failure - we've learned volumes about falling.'

Clancy: Around here we call that progress!

Dog Dreams

"I asked you to hang a picture, how much more difficult can you make it?"

"I learned that Moses partied on the Red Sea today."

"We've found the problem. You folks don't own a car."

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

'I'm afraid you've got the wrong department.'

"No...I said aperitif!!"

'Mrs. Peterson. . . Sgt. O'Leary here, I'm afraid there's been an accident and your husband is in a comma.'

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

"Well I say we go on without him..."

Naive to its unconventional approach, Wyatt is victimized by the rare and elusive Mumble Bee.

'You idiot, I said 'ark', not 'park'.'

'I sincerely thank you for your concern, but I'm only setting up a swing.'

'Covid airborne'.

'More dirt=more bubbles!'

'I'm not untidy! I know where I have to look for the things I need! My socks are under the livingroom table, my underpants are behind the couch, the shoes are in the bathroom...'

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect the glasses?'

'You misunderstood. Our ad says that we can help you get out of debt.'

'He must be pleased with me. He's wagging his finger.'

"Will you pull your stupid pants up? This is a RETINAL scanner you idiot."