Mister Mysterious Gifts

CIA, 'Blast it! -- We shouldn't NEED a lost & found department!'

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I don't want to take this meeting off track, but... isn't Stonehenge amazing? Seriously, who did that?"

'I've forgotten the author and title - do you read minds?'

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

Houdini's infancy.

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

"You're everyman? But I thought I was everyman."

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

An enlightenment seeker heads back from Truth lookign shocked.

"Honey, could you grab the Bible? I need to double-check something."

'The curious incident of the dig in the night-gown.'

Frisbee, what's this I hear about you moonlighting?

I wonder what the kids are up to at the lake. Your mom will keep her eyes on them. She won't let them get into trouble. Nothing gets by her! ZZZZ. Psst. My silence isn't free!

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

'You just stood there and let them put a bell on you? -- What were you THINKING?'

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

"I'm just messing with you."

"If you want soil moved around, I say why wait for erosion."

"I know we have some invisible ink somewhere but we can never find it..."

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

My doctor says my heart is fragile. I'm supposed to cut down on my activism. You mean activity? Activism. He says that getting upset about idiotic, right-wing, greedy jerks is bad for my heart. He's a quack! This ends badly.

Mystery bookshelf in library.

'Next time ask, 'what does this button do?' before you push it.'

'How come Zorro's mother let him draw on walls.'

'I got to get home quick to hack the principal's email to my dad.'

Heyyy... where's mine?