Mission Statement Reviewer Gifts

'That's our mission statement.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

Charles P. Muckenspucker - Mission Creep.

"Writing that book was a real strain."

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"What are we doing wrong?"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

The tough job market is proving to be time consuming. I receive thousands of resumes each week and shredding them takes up too much time

"Sorry, I'm looking for someone with a twinkle in the eye."

'You're a good first draft. We would like to see a finished version.'

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

New initiatives

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

Fred noticed the mission trip list was different from when he was a youth.

'You have an online degree from the college of hard knocks'

' I can't drink that..I'm a recovering alcoholic ! '