Mission Statement Critic T-Shirts

"Through our organization, we hope to eliminate poverty, illiteracy, hunger, blindness, hangnails, red tide, bad hats, and comb overs. Our motto: Focus and Achieve."

Charles P. Muckenspucker - Mission Creep.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'That's our mission statement.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

My brilliant career

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

How's my sermon. . .

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

The new Physics

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"You'll never believe who's here."