Mission Statement Critic Pillows

"Through our organization, we hope to eliminate poverty, illiteracy, hunger, blindness, hangnails, red tide, bad hats, and comb overs. Our motto: Focus and Achieve."

Charles P. Muckenspucker - Mission Creep.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'That's our mission statement.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

My brilliant career

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

How's my sermon. . .

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

The new Physics

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"

"You'll never believe who's here."