Mission Statement Rewriter T-Shirts

'Take this mission statement back to the committee and tell them to rework it. I'd like it to mention education.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'That's our mission statement.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'At Tesmer holdings, we don't break the rules! We change them!'

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

'I think our mission statement should mention scholarship and attendance.'

"What are we doing wrong?"

Charles P. Muckenspucker - Mission Creep.

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

"No, I'm sorry, we're looking for special people."

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

Fred noticed the mission trip list was different from when he was a youth.

"Please, Dianna, at least give me a chance to rebrand myself."

Doing business in the same location since the dawn of time.

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'I don't have a resume, but I have accumulated an extensive paper trail.'

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

HELP WANTED - man in quicksand

"Alright, settle down! Settle down!"

"You're a veteran, right grandpa? Maybe you can help me with my school report...what was General George Washington really like?"

"I didn't get the job. They said I was over-qualified."

"We're hiring, but not you!"

"We need a new 'mission statement' to tell clients who we are! I was thinking of 'aspiring to excellence'."

"I've been sent home with unemployable-like symptoms."

'I know I interviewed for this job last week, but I've reinvented myself six times since then.'

Can't talk now, I'm on a mission!

'I've had some replies to those job applications I sent off.'

"Through our organization, we hope to eliminate poverty, illiteracy, hunger, blindness, hangnails, red tide, bad hats, and comb overs. Our motto: Focus and Achieve."

'Wow! A big cardboard box!' - 'Target sighted! Engage 'stealth mode'' - 'Your dinner's ready.'

'The principal is busy right now, so I have to put you on hold. Would you like to hear our mission statement sung by the school chorus?'

"Congratulations, your funding request for the field trip has been approved."

'Well written speech, guys...earnest, yet glib.'