Resume Rewriters T-Shirts

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Tweaking the CV.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Have you got a resume?'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'