Mismatch Fan Gifts

'Painter'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'Here it is - the world's largest miniaturization plant.'

Alligator Bars

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Gym/Tan/Donut

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

'Whaddya mean, 'cat-sized'???'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

Classic Film Festival. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told you it wasn't a buddy movie!

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

The Origin of Laundry Day

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

The fit was fine but Latona was unsatisfied with the colour

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

Anyone for tennis?

'Sorry about wearing odd shoes. Luckily I have an identical pair at home!'

I smell feet ... Human feet. About six months ago, I was getting my car fixed, and on the wall of the garage, there was a sign that read, "Change worn shocks at 50,000 miles." I mistook "shocks" for socks."