Mismatch Fan Gifts

'Painter'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

The Cricketer and the Golfer

'Here it is - the world's largest miniaturization plant.'

Alligator Bars

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

Gym/Tan/Donut

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

'Whaddya mean, 'cat-sized'???'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

The Origin of Laundry Day

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

The fit was fine but Latona was unsatisfied with the colour

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

Anyone for tennis?

'Sorry about wearing odd shoes. Luckily I have an identical pair at home!'

'I don't always take Brian's side.. I've got a mind of my own you know!'