Mismatch Comic Gifts

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

'It's every SNOW flake that's different, Billy - Not every CORN flake.'

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

'Painter'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Wait? I thought it was a 'look'?"

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

'I'm a court jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

Guess what pants I'm wearing on this Zoom call.

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

The Origin of Laundry Day

Classic Film Festival. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told you it wasn't a buddy movie!

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

"On the internet you said you were tall."

"And how would you feel shooting your arrow for a really bad match?"