Mismatch Comic Gifts

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

'It's every SNOW flake that's different, Billy - Not every CORN flake.'

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

'Painter'

"Wait? I thought it was a 'look'?"

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

'I'm a court jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

The Origin of Laundry Day

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

"On the internet you said you were tall."

'Sorry about wearing odd shoes. Luckily I have an identical pair at home!'

"And how would you feel shooting your arrow for a really bad match?"