Mismatch Humorist Gifts

"The odd thing is that I'm not really a cat person."

'What the... I told the dating agency to send serious candidates only!!'

Unsuitable hospital reading material.

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Alligator Bars

'Out. How come?' - 'Off side.'

'It's every SNOW flake that's different, Billy - Not every CORN flake.'

"Looks like there was a mix-up. Apparently the tank we ordered went to Vinny's Joke Shop in Hoboken, New Jersey."

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"But can you afford two tickets to Africa?"

'Painter'

"I found the problem with your dryer. . . here are a bunch of socks you probably thought were lost!"

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

"Aw yeah, twist on the exhale! Twist on the exhale! Yeah yeah!!"

Two friars ringing bells

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

'Let's go back to your place. I want to put all your CD's into the wrong cases.'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

Classic Film Festival. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I told you it wasn't a buddy movie!

The Origin of Laundry Day

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

Guess what pants I'm wearing on this Zoom call.

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

Never let your girlfriend pack your parachute.

"Sold, to the gentleman with the paddle."

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

'When I asked to go somewhere nice and warm, I didn't mean inside your trendy jumper.'

"Don't get me wrong, you're a good tiler but maybe you should go back to your old job..."

One day in a boat out in the pacific. . . While at the same exact moment in a slum apartment in Brooklyn, N.Y....

"On the internet you said you were tall."

Attack using an offensive weapon