Mischievous Matchmaker Gifts

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

'I always give the shy guys a 'booster shot'.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"The instructions for the beer-making kit you gave me? Didn't need them -- I figured it out for myself. Drink up."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

"You want to see me, Boss?"

"I'm steelbuns 1995, you must be teen angle 1999."

Soulmates.

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'How about a nice fixer-upper?'

'You've been matched with a pub in Wigan' (to a man at a dating agency).

'Anyone for doubles?'

Jack started to note how these 'accidents' always occurred after he missed a shot.

"Okay sir.I've fed your personal profile into the computer,and your ideal partner should look something like..."

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'

"Here we match people by their hatreds. It's a much stronger bond."

'Fortysomething. Is that your age or waist size?'

'Do I know you?'

'You'll 'ave a lovely Christmas in ere, son. Just don't go too near the mistletoe.'

'I know you don't like being fixed up, but he's perfect for you!'

'The closest thing we've got is a beautician from Cleveland who says she enjoys small talk.'