Mirthful Misanthropes Pillows

Sponsored grump, donate now: 'This isn't much of a challenge for you really, is it?'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"Gesundheit!"

Plymouth Rock

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

Ski Lift Glove Fishing

'Moron.'

'As a patient I'm glad because the doctor cured me. As a lawyer I'm sad because there's no reason to sue that guy.'

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"If you're thinking of evolving, don't bother."

'Just as I thought...made in Alaska!'

"Innocent, your honor."

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

Velocirappers

"Brian and I were destined to be a couple. We both hate everyone else."

I HATE STUFF

'It's just that when I said 'I wish I was a babe magnet'...'

Feel good loser. NON WINNER

'Misanthropology.'

In Memory of Old Bob Who Loved This Park But Hated People

"What were those songs you were singing?"

"Can you imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't faked headaches?"

"How can I love my enemies when I don't even like my friends?"

'. . . You're starting an anti-social network. . .'

Antisocial distancing

"People extra suck"

'Nurse! The chart says comatose, not comb his toes!'

'The postman woke me up at five this morning... That's the last time I sleep with him.'

'The second opinion I got advised me to sue you for malpractice.'

'Call the Fire Brigade - the tree's stuck up the cat.'

"Says here you like to play practical jokes..."

You clowns would laugh at anything

Bad sport cards

'That's as maybe, mister Frimley, but there's still no such thing as inner-child benefit.'