Mirror Dodger T-Shirts

'I wouldn't stand on it. It makes mum cry every time she does it.'

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"And now. . . which shoes?"

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Nun Binning the Devil

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Any yet he's always on my case."

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

Vanity artist

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"If only you could do this in real life..."

"A minute on the lips"

"You're so vein."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

The Demon's Disguise

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"You should have been here at eight!"

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

"Myra's our creative director. She fabricates emergency situations for me when client meetings go on too long."

'Ms Ferguson, weasel me out of the 315 meeting.'

"I still think we should go higher than Factor 0.5."

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'