Mindful Mom T-Shirts

"...and, for what felt like the millionth time, she opened her phone for the diminishing dopamine hit that never satisfied."

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

'The doctor said oily fish was good for his brain development.'

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"I'm exempt from the company fitness program. I have triplets at home."

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

Mom simultaneously feeds baby his bottle, and husband his.

Biological Alarm Clock.

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

'Have a couple of dreams, and call me in the morning.'

'Please feel free to tell me if Junior is in your way...'

"They think I don't have a clue."

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

"We don't have a time-out chair in our Classroom Community, that's our mindfulness chair."

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"I think formula should be bottled-up, but not your emotions."

'It appears that your son's problems stem from attention deficit disorder.'

"Mommy can be tough like Janet Reno. But she can also be vulnerable like Al Gore."

'When you have boys, you need 'presoak'.'

"You'll have to give up the wine and the women. It's OK to sing, but only in moderation."

Now, my son, visualize yourself removing your diaper and sitting on the potty

"It's just the virtue signal - unfortunately, it doesn't do much."

"Nature, nurture or a bit of both?"

'When you care to 'zen' the very best.'

"Can you believe this is happening to me? Her scores are very low in self-esteem."

Mother goosing her young son.

". . . and if your kids have been driving you crazy today, just remember one day soon they won't even want to know you. . . and exhale. . . ahhhh."

"Am I a bad parent for giving him a weighted blanket?"

"You shouldn't try for enlightenment if you are pregnant or may become pregnant."