Mindful Merrymaker Gifts

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'My client has no problem with 'richer' and 'in health'. Our points of contention are 'poorer' and 'in sickness'.'

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

May your Christmas be full of harmony

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'With this ring I thee dropped it -'

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

Little Piano

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

'Would it upset you is I said I'm not bothered if your heart isn't in it?'

'Give me a Y... give me an E... give me an S...

Angelicus alcholicus.

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"I’ll give you my answer in ... just ... one ... minute."

Finding a Zombie House on Halloween.

"...but before we begin our slide presentation on accounts receivable...this is how I make a bunny!"

"Let me clarify that this is your employee performance evaluation, Thompson. It is not a roast in your honor."

'We usually don't make toasts in board meetings.'

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

'Shakin' bacon.'

"You may now begin venting about each other's wedding-prep behavior."

'Well this shouldn't last long.'