Mind Fixer Pillows

Head Mechanic.

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I keep telling myself I've got to slow down."

"I don't know who you are!"

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

Waiting for Pants

"Remember, the road to recovery begins with baby steps."

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

'Would you feel less inferior if I made you a Colonel?'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'It's a sad case -- amnesia AND identity theft.'

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Don't worry they're all part of my team."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

'I've lost the urge to repeat everything...'

Yes, yes, let your aggressions out, but not here!

Well, I feel a lot better - he says there's a method to my madness.

Analyst and patient

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"Well, how can I help cure your severe hypochondria if you keep cancelling appointments due to illness?"

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

Doctor with pump: 'Hold on a second while I inflate his ego.'

It's always the same dream. I'm in therapy, analyzing my recurring dream.

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

When psychiatrists do self analysis.

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'I'm trying to work on Mr. Findlay's self-esteem, Miss Oglethorpe — stop giggling in there!'

When psychiatry works too well!

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!