Emotional Fixer Pillows

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

A woman repairs a broken heart.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

Enlightened Cursing

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

A man sews broken hearts back together.

You May Bang Your Head Here/You May Talk To Here.

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"It's time to break up the company!!"

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

"Do you want to watch another episode or heal our relationship?"

'How should I know why my daughter has not spoken to me in over a month, stupid!'

God's lil' fix-it shop.