Millennial Son Pillows

“Mom, can you come get me?”

Politically Correct Snowperson

"We made all the wheels out of old coffee tables and chandeliers."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Fur Baby

"If I had known how adult her place was I would have brought nicer beer."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"Yeah, I want a neck tat with gothic lettering that says, 'Welcome to a career in the fast food service industry.'"

"It's a cease and desist letter forbidding us from saying 'That's lit!'"

Child uses tablet to mark geographical location of donkey's tale.

"Avocado...t-toast..."

"I moved to the Internet to be closer to my children."

"Things were really different when I was growing up. Childhoods today are much longer."

Man bun tending

Fables for the Millennial.

"Ha! This younger is so absorbed in social media that he cannot appreciate his youth, unlike I, aging millennial, who cannot appreciate his thirties."

Captain Millennial

"I think we have mice in the walls."

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"I just saw a hipster age perceptibly."

"No, no, no! You're, like, 'I really, really, really love you,' and you're, like, 'Whatever.' "

Millennial

"Emotional support person or not, you cannot bring your Mom to work."

Metamorphosis: Nature's Magnificent Reveal

"Whenever I meet somebody, I try and accept them for who I am."

"But...I didn't even get my participation trophy! It's not fair!"

Crybaby Millennials

"If the average attention span is 8 seconds, why are most commercials 30 seconds?"

Rosemary's Baby Turns Twenty-Seven