Militia Member Gifts

"The 'well-regulated' part takes all the fun out of being in a militia."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Servicemen.

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

HDQTRS division, Motor Pool and Covert Ops.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Military Medals

WW2 fighter pilot with emoji kills

"War is hell and so is this soup."

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

Trump

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

Monuments

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

"Weather like this plagued my retreat from Moscow."

'I was in the catering corps.'

"No, you dismantle your nuclear arsenal first."