Middleman Gifts

'Actually, I'm a middleman.'

'Hunting and gathering are 'old' economy- I'm going to be a middleman.'

'I view it as part of the persona of being a middleman.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

Jack of all trades

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Painting the Ceiling

Tool Box

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

I did it my way.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'