Middleman Gifts

'Actually, I'm a middleman.'

'Hunting and gathering are 'old' economy- I'm going to be a middleman.'

'I view it as part of the persona of being a middleman.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

Jack of all trades

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

Tool Box

Painting the Ceiling

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

'Can I invite my friends round to watch, Mom?'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

I did it my way.

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

'A cousin to the hammerhead, here we see the allusive, yet, handy, multi-use shark.'

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'