Middle-earth Adventurer T-Shirts

'There's a wizard, three hobbits and an elf out here inquiring about a ring.'

'Where do you buy your clothes, Frodo?' 'Erm, Orcsfam, Gandalf. Orcsfam.'

Mommy and I are back from New Zealand. How was your trip? It was great. I got to see where the Hobbits lived. And there was green everywhere. Then we had to go. They wouldn't grant you and your mom refugee status? No. We tried Antarctica after that. We tried real hard to fit in. But the penguins just would not accept us as part of their society. Tell your mommy Trump's only going to be president for eight short years.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

"I got super baked in the shire and accidentally recruited these four little weirdos for the most important mission of all time."

'It's a note...It says I.O.U. one pot of gold.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

J. R. R. Tolkien

After 39 years, 11 months, 28 days, Moses finally received the GPS he ordered from Amazon.

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'See how the fools flee when fantasy role-play is fantasy no longer!'

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Show off."

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Child in a bear suit.

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"The meaning of life, eh? Beats me... Let's google it."

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"False alarm - the King is just sleeping. Long sleep the King!"

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

Magic Ring to gain entry into Tolkien Archive