Middle Class Quirk Fan Pillows

'Gosh, look mummy, a shampoo named after us!'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

'Check out the old dude.'

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

"Got any bathtub gin?"

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Leon, honey, you break all the rules of dramaturgy."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"I can't come in today, I'm feeling like myself."

The Pencil and Sharpener

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

Hot cross buns

"It all started when I read somewhere that happiness is an inside job. Naturally, I assumed some breaking and entering was involved."

An Extraordinary Pointer

"What if the cat stuck in the tree has a gun? Is that an emergency?"

Crash Test Dummy Blues

'Careful, Mugsy, he's got a tool.'

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

'I like the litter box...but the pool has gotta go !'

Mime walking dog passes some invisible dog poop.

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'