Middle-aged Siblings Pillows

You know you're middle aged...

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

At the Museum

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

'I didn't do my homework because I forgot my user name and password.'

'Hey Einstein, how about converting some of your mass into energy and getting this place cleaned up?'

"I think I've reached that age when I don't remember if I've forgotten something."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Likes: $2.

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Boy and Bear and Monster

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Isn't it an amazing co-incidence that this is an orange, and it IS ORANGE?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Toy plane with pilot eject.

'Not just my homework - The dog chewed up my whole LAPTOP!'

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

'Nope. I didn't see any dogfish.'

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

"It's an Eyesaur."

"First snowman?"

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"You're never a superhero in your own backyard."

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."