Microwave Meal Maestro Gifts

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

Three square meals a day.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Burnt or Raw?

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'What'll it be?'

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"I bet you can't name one person who makes a better lengua casserole than me!"

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"I'm unable to process this image."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'How do you like your steaks? Scorched, burnt or cremated?'

"All good things must come to an end...unless I use both of my giant-size super-pots."

'This 'homework,' was it done today?'

A butcher and his apprentice.

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

"Oh -- I've got one! If you could have dinner with anyone from history, living or dead, who would you have cater it?"

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

'You followed the recipie but it's missing the secret ingredient: Mom.'

A family gets ready for their microwave meal on the patio.

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"I don't like it."

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'I dunno. Maybe we need a new slogan.'

'Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is perfect for them.'

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

The Chop House

'There's a lamb chop in my soup.' - 'Oh, that's where it got to. It belongs to table six.'